Three Relationship Tips for a Successful Marriage
- deirdreahaggerty
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
Updated: 21 hours ago
There are no tricks to a happy marriage. But after 37 years of matrimony, I have three relationship tips that we stand by for a successful marriage. This isn’t a sermon. I am simply retelling what others have asked:
How has our marriage endured for 37 years?
The Biggest Lie We’ve Ever Been Told
It took me over 30 years to truly understand this. I mean, we basically grew up together, and now we are growing old together. I was 21, and my husband was 23 when we wed. And for years I fed into the biggest lie we've ever been told about marriage:
Your spouse is supposed to make you happy.
They're not.
In fact, that's one of the fastest ways to destroy a relationship.
In our 37 years, if there's one thing I've learned, it's this: There are no tricks to a happy marriage. If you're looking for some secret formula, the perfect communication style, or the magic words that guarantee happily ever after...
I'm sorry.
They don't exist.
Because here's the truth. It is cold and hard.
No other human can make you happy. Period
Your spouse isn't responsible for creating your happiness. That's one of the biggest misconceptions people have about relationships.
When we expect our spouse to make us happy, we're handing them a job they can never fully succeed at. Happiness comes from living in alignment with your own values, purpose, and emotional well-being. A healthy marriage isn't two halves completing each other - it's two whole people choosing to build a life together.
They're responsible for contributing to your life - not completing it. Only you are responsible for your own happiness.
Expecting your spouse to fill a happiness void is placing a lot of pressure on another human being.
Instead, I want to share three relationship tips that I honestly believe have helped our marriage survive nearly four decades.
My Three Relationship Tips for a Successful Marriage
Laughter
Communication
Dating
It is that simple, yet it requires a lot of work. I certainly do not have all the answers. But I do know what has worked for us. And if I am being honest, Frank and I have never argued...
No, that is a big fat lie – we fought – hard; it was not pretty, with ugly crying and hurtful noise. You don’t need all the details, but that is the truth.
One thing kept us fighting to keep it together – Our love.
It was and is the foundation, and it is unwavering.
The following suggestions have helped us through dark days, difficult moments, and pain – oftentimes created by ourselves.
Laugh - A lot
Laughter is contagious – sprinkle it throughout your relationship, family, and home. People assume successful marriages are serious. I think they're ridiculous.
Frank and I laugh constantly. Sometimes we laugh with each other. I’ll admit that I laugh at him most of the time. I won’t go into details – the podcast below describes just some of the 37 years of moments where I couldn’t contain my laughter.
We've learned not to take ourselves seriously. Life already gives us enough reasons to cry. If you can find reasons to laugh together, you're building resilience.
Couples who laugh together don't ignore problems. They just don't let problems become the entire relationship.
Sometimes laughter breaks tension better than any argument ever could.
Communicate - Even When It's Uncomfortable
Communication isn't just talking. It's listening. Really listening.
Not waiting for your turn to defend yourself.
Not planning your rebuttal.
Listening to understand.
One thing we've learned over the years is that assumptions create distance, but conversations create connection.
The longer you avoid difficult conversations...the harder they become.
Your spouse isn't a mind reader, and neither are you.
If you need something...say it. Just remember to ask kindly, clearly, and respectfully.
Communication is not always easy. If this is an area of contention, I suggest seeking outside help from a relationship coach, therapist, or marriage counselor. You don’t want to get to the point of no return. Seek assistance from someone you both feel comfortable with to guide you to communicate with respect, clarity, and kindness.
Never Stop Dating
Date while you’re married. When you're dating:
You make time
You plan
You ask questions
You hold hands
You dress up
You notice each other
Then life happens.
Kids
Jobs
Bills
Parents
Caregiving
Stress
Suddenly you become roommates running a household, and the relationship moves to the bottom of the list.
Frank and I have learned that marriage isn't maintained by anniversaries. It's maintained by ordinary Tuesdays. Eating breakfast or dinner together. Walking the dog together. Twenty uninterrupted minutes. Whatever works for you.
Dating isn't about spending money. It's about protecting connection.
We started this monthly practice years ago during a trying and hectic time in our lives. It has stuck, and now we have impromptu dates that create lasting memories.
Dating Tip – I heard this on a Mel Robbins podcast: have sex before you head out. If you have the privacy, of course. It is a game changer
Will These Three Relationship Tips Guarantee a Perfect Marriage?
No. Nothing will.
Marriage isn't perfect because people aren't perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal.
You're going to disappoint and misunderstand each other. You will have seasons that are easier than others.
But if you can laugh, communicate, and intentionally choose each other again and again, you'll build something much stronger than perfection.
You'll build partnership.
And I think that's what lasting marriages are really made of.
XOXO
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