How to Protect Your Peace When Family Gets Offensive: Holiday Tips for Handling Racism and Antisemitism

deirdreahaggerty
Dec 4
5 min read

How do you protect your peace when your drunk uncle or anti-Semitic aunt makes racist or otherwise offensive comments? The holidays are supposed to bring warmth, togetherness, and celebration. But for many people, they can also bring discomfort, tension, or emotional distress — especially when a family member lifts their head from their phone just long enough to insult every race, religion, ethnicity, and sexual identity.

As a Relationship Coach, I often teach this: Your peace is worth protecting — even at the holiday table.

Whether you’re visiting someone else’s home or hosting the gathering in your own, you deserve to feel safe, respected, and grounded. And you can do that without causing a blowup, losing your cool, or abandoning your values.

Below are practical, compassionate strategies to help you maintain emotional safety and navigate family dynamics with confidence. Even when your inner monologue is mid-fantasy sequence, standing abruptly and physically throwing the racist out of your home.

Set Emotional Boundaries Before You Arrive

Holiday conflicts are easier to avoid when you prepare before setting foot in the house.

Ask yourself:

What topics am I willing to engage in today?
What am I absolutely not engaging in?
How do I want to feel — and what do I need to support that?

Your emotional boundary may sound like:

“If anyone makes a racist or anti-Semitic comment today, I’m choosing not to get pulled into it. I’ll redirect or step away. My peace comes first.”

This internal boundary helps you stay grounded when someone else is determined to bring chaos.

Use Neutral Responses Instead of Debates

You are not responsible for educating someone who doesn’t want to learn. You’re responsible for protecting your energy.

When offensive comments surface, keep it simple:

“I’m not engaging in that.”
“Let’s keep today positive.”
“I’m not comfortable with that conversation.”
“Let’s change the subject.”

These neutral boundary-setting statements shut down the conversation without escalating it.

Permit Yourself to Step Away

Walking away is often the most powerful boundary of all.

You can step outside, go to the kitchen, sit with the kids, check your phone, or go to the bathroom — anything that gives you space to breathe.

You’re not being rude. You’re regulating your nervous system.

Distance sends a message without creating a scene.

How to Protect Your Peace When You’re the Host

When the gathering is in your home, you hold even more power — but it can also feel more triggering because you can’t simply leave.

Here’s how to stay in control without throwing anyone out.

Set House Rules Calmly and Clearly

If someone crosses the line, try:

“We don’t have conversations like that in my home.”
“This is a safe space for everyone — let’s move on.”
“That kind of talk doesn’t belong here today.”

Direct. Calm. Non-negotiable.

Pause and Reset the Room

Not every situation needs a confrontation. Sometimes it requires an energy shift.

You can:

Start dessert
Put on music
Change rooms
Ask for help from a supportive family member
Step away for a moment

A reset can dissolve tension quickly.

Address It Privately if Needed

If a guest continues to push boundaries, pull them aside:

“I want today to be enjoyable for everyone. I need you to respect my home, my values, and my guests.”

This avoids embarrassment and lowers defensiveness.

Offer a Gentle Cool-Down Option

If things escalate, but you don’t want to ask someone to leave:

“Why don’t you take a moment outside and reset?”
“Let’s pause this conversation and come back when the energy is better.”

You’re not throwing them out — you’re giving them a choice.

A Final Word on Protecting Your Peace

You cannot control someone’s beliefs. You cannot heal the harm they choose to perpetuate. But you can control your presence, your boundaries, and your peace.

When you Protect Your Peace, you show up as your best self: grounded, confident, and emotionally safe.

And that is the greatest gift you can give yourself this holiday season.

The More You Know

Prejudice is a pre-judgment—an opinion or feeling about a person before you know them. It’s often based on stereotypes rather than facts. Understanding prejudice is one way to Protect Your Peace by naming what’s really happening at the holiday table.

Bias is a learned tendency to favor or disfavor certain groups. Everyone has biases—some conscious, some unconscious. Recognizing bias helps you respond with clarity instead of taking things personally.

Racism is prejudice combined with power, leading to behaviors or systems that disadvantage people because of their race. Racism is not just about rude comments—it’s about patterns that reinforce inequality. Naming racism clearly helps you set boundaries that truly Protect Your Peace.

Need Support Setting Healthy Boundaries?

If holiday stress, family conflict, or emotional triggers are affecting your well-being, I can help.

As an ACC-Certified Career & Relationship Coach, I teach clients how to:

Set firm but loving boundaries
Build emotional resilience
Communicate confidently
Navigate complex relationships with clarity
Protect their peace year-round

👉 Book a session at CoachingWithMsD.com and get the support you need to stand confidently in your truth — during the holidays and beyond.

Free Discovery Call

If you’re ready to gain clarity and take control of your future, book a free discovery call with Coaching with Ms. D today to learn how to navigate complex relationships and set boundaries. Life and relationship coaching can help you enjoy the holidays while protecting your peace.

Coaching with Ms. D offers both individual and package options of 30- and 60-minute Coaching Sessions, where you will be asked thought-provoking questions and learn strategies to build your life, advance your career, and strengthen your relationships. You will gain clarity, confidence, and be prepared with a personalized approach to achieve your goals.

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